Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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