they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
