I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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