I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
