Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
