Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you made out with another girl for some wings
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Congratulations! We have a period
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
