i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woke up backwards on a recliner
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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