I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
