I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
