Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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