its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
