Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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