id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
