he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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