I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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