first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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