hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
