I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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