but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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