he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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