problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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