We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
