with your own penis?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
