Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize