Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
