dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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