Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
