She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
