Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
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I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
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I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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