careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
