dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
