So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have fence marks all over my body
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
