How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
