Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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