i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
