THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
