So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
