I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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