i don't like sucking hair
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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