I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
