the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
