he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
