you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
