I just threw up on my dentist
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
