sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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