Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
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I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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