I'm going to jail i love you
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
