Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
