I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
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