Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
