Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
