Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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