I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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