note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
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On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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