All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
