if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dear god my vagina.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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