first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
