Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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