i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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