omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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