garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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