Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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