He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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