Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
