I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
