can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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