I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
