Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
