WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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