Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
