How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
