you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
