Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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